HERO: John Kerry will spend Election Day crop-dusting planet with jet exhaust to fight climate change


**Written by Doug Powers

Self-acclaimed savior of mankind John Kerry will depart soon for a trip that will take him to Antarctica to get a firsthand look at the effects from “climate change.” In the process, Kerry will torch tens of thousands of gallons of jet fuel in a last-ditch effort to make it into the record books as the catalyst for the biggest self-fulfilling prophecy of all time:

Secretary of State John Kerry will be headed toward the South Pole on Election Day for an historic visit with climate change researchers in Antarctica, his department announced Friday.
Kerry leaves on Monday, although the logistics of traveling to Antarctica mean he won’t arrive at his primary destination until Nov. 10. (Kirby said Kerry would be out of the country on Election Day, but Kerry’s plane refuels in Hawaii on Tuesday before departing for New Zealand, so another State Department spokesperson suggested the secretary might not finally exit the United States until after the election).

He will be the first sitting secretary of state to visit the South Pole.

Apparently the Obama administration has for a long time wanted to send a representative to that continent to say hello to their fellow albatrosses.

If the penguins are smart they’ll take a hostage ahead of Kerry’s visit to swap in return for a pallet of cash krill.

Kerry’s office is saying that he’s making the trip now to highlight the ravages of warming in Antarctica because if he waited much longer it’d be too freakin’ cold and nasty down there:

“The secretary has been wanting to get down there for a long, long time, and frankly this schedule was very literally driven by the weather,” State Department spokesman John Kirby told reporters. “You wait much longer in the year and it’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to travel down there.”

It was also very literally driven by the fact that this is one of the last chances Kerry will get to trot the globe on the taxpayers’ dime.

**Written by Doug Powers

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